Getting Bored

I look for new avenues of getting bored whenever I am bored of getting bored. I am not sure whether this sentence makes any sense to you but be sure to get bored if you have decided to read this piece. I can foresee that this is going to be one logically challenged piece I have ever scribbled. Anyway, you should not expect logic from a person who is sitting in front of his desk in the office on a Saturday afternoon leaving behind his beautiful wife at home. It’s because of one of my wife’s mother’s maternal uncle who took birth yesterday to be my grand-father-in-law and landed at my house to make my life difficult. I was overwhelmed with joy when I realized some grandfatherly figure is going to invade my lazy world for a week. I tried to play a good husband and convinced my wife to shed all her apprehensions about her mother’s uncle whom she refers as Hitler. But two days after his royal arrival, I am badly manifested with an inflow of grand fatherly commands which I find somewhat difficult to handle. After playing a 24/7 chef, an unpaid chauffeur, a smiling host, I find the command to play the chauffeur to his Golconda trip somewhat difficult to digest. My wife came to my rescue and cooked up a story to save me from his utter slavery. She turned my good manager into a devil who called me up while I was having my lunch with the grand fatherly figure. It was aptly timed to kick in the 'thik-se-khana-bhi-nehi-khane-deta' emotion. I gave a power house performance with a cell phone on my hand and talking to my wife on the other side before I finally agreed to come to office with a disgusted face. It was difficult to suppress the happiness behind a disgruntled face. I never realized I was such a good actor.

So, here I am; in front of my desk; trying to kill my time and to avoid a drive to Golconda fort. But killing time is not as easy as it sounds. Sometime killing mosquitoes could be difficult. Think of a situation where there are no mosquitoes to kill! Right now I am in a similar situation trying to make simple things difficult. At first, I tried to be a normal person getting bored by checking emails and surfing the net. But my life became difficult as there were no emails to read. Monotony kills, even when you are getting bored. I realized I needed some new avenues to get bored.

First, I tried to be creative with the customized telephone directory pasted on my desk. I realized I never had a close look at the list. I used only the numbers which were highlighted and the rest ninety percent of the numbers were never used by me. The ‘Yudhisthir’ in me woke up and decided to make a fair judgment to the neglected ninety percent. I felt calling up random numbers in the office and playing prank was not a good idea. Besides, I was in no hurry to lose my job. So I needed to find some alternate way of using the numbers. I found an online game which asked to assume a number and perform couple of operations with it. It finally told me the number I assumed. I repeated the game with all the neglected numbers in the list. I shattered the logical mystery behind the game and turned it in to something which merely tested the level of my patience.

I was bored again. So I looked for a second alternative and immediately got one.
I thought of measuring the network speed of my office with respect to human alacrity. I gave a print command sitting on my desk and rushed to the printer-room, which was located ten feet away, to collect the print-out. Every time the network beat me and the print-out came out first before I reached the printer. After couple of rounds, I declared myself the loser. Running around to and fro to the printer-room shook up my antique bones and I needed some rest. I was ready for another round of boredom after I synchronized my breath with the ups and downs of my lungs.

After today’s stint as an actor, my confidence level was dangerously high to locate the security camera at the ceiling of the office. It was great to be alone at office and do things you can’t think of doing other times. I stood in front of the security camera and played whole lot of characters from Sanjeev Kumar to Big B to Dharma pajji. I created a whole new movie all by myself. I called it “Office mein akela”. Unfortunately the premier of the movie is exclusively for the security personnel of the office and that too for free.

I came back home at 8 pm. My guest was more delighted than my wife to see me back home. I realized he was getting bored and he needed some bakra to impart his knowledge, which was overflowing for lack of any bakra in the past three hours. My wife was clever enough to avoid him the whole day with some excuse and gave all his gayan a miss. He made me sit with him and ordered my wife to get me some tea. After that, it was a grueling session on religion and politics, which was of no interest to me at the end of a tiring day. But I had to make an inquisitive face and occasionally nod on what he said when I was actually thinking about the moment ordeal would end. I was finally released when I made him understood that his speech had really enlightened me. With the satisfaction of having enlightened me and having imposed his self created authority over both of us, the old man left the next day still making it very obvious by the expression on his face that there was a glitch in the hospitality somewhere.

Well, I am bored of writing this piece. And I am sure that you are also bored of reading the same. “akhir ek bored hi ek bored ko samajh sakta”. So stop reading this crap and look for some new avenues of getting bored.