Lovely Men’s saloon-A/C

Lately, I was sporting the scary-hair-Albert-Einstein-Look which was somewhat between the crew-cut- Tom-Cruise-look and long-locks-John-Abraham-look. Though it made me feel like a genius, it radiated an uncanny eerie feeling to people around me and I started getting advices to get a hair cut. The situation became worse when my neighbor’s dog fell for my genius hairy look and started barking at me at the slightest sight of me. The worst came when my wife refused to accompany me at any social do. I had no choice but to head towards the ‘Lovely Men’s saloon-A/C’, the saloon I visited almost a decade ago in spite of it being at a stone’s throw from my home. ‘Lovely Men’s saloon-A/C’ was an interesting place manifested with people, who wanted to get rid of hair, and barbers, who were excessively fond of hairs, be it their own or somebody else’s. The queue at the saloon was surprisingly long and I wondered what would be the total number of people trying to get rid of unwanted hair at that moment. Anyway, good thing about the saloon was that you were given a hearty welcome and provided with newspapers and magazines you could not read (or rather see) otherwise at home. The place was also full of interesting characters and I could not help having a close look at each one of them.



The perfectionist psycho type:



This breed is the most difficult one both for the barber and people waiting in the queue. When it comes to perfection, these guys give a run to Amir Khan as they can argue with the barber for hours because of a small deviation on a single hair located in some (x, y) coordinate. It is interesting to know how a deviation in a single hair can turn them to Kader Khan from Amir Khan. What impresses me is the passion with which they keep staring at the mirror and occasionally run the fingers through the hair to look perfect. But the passion is followed by disappointment which instigates the passion more .What follows is another round of argument over a missing hair until the psycho perfectionist is forced out of the saloon.



The big mouth type:



These are mostly the middle-aged businessmen kind of guys. They step into the saloon in shorts, t-shirts and running shoes, probably after a workout session, driving their swanky cars. There is a striking similarity between the wallet they carry and dresses they wear. While the wallet struggles to hold the amount of money which is forced into it, the dresses struggle to hold the fats which are bulging out of the body. To alleviate the pain of the wallet they keep throwing money all the time and, no wonder, they are the most valuable and important customers in the saloon. While rest of the crowd comes to get a hair cut, this breed comes to get a facial, pedicure, manicure and what not. Their flashy mobiles keep ringing all the time as they close deals in lakhs while they have got cucumber on their eyes and white paste on the faces. At the end they leave the barbers happy and the rest of the crowd green.



The metro-sexual dude type:



This one is the smart looking cool dude type who dares to wear pink t-shirt and green pant. Except the spiky gelled hair on their head, they do away with all the hair in their body even from the remote and unreachable corners. It is interesting to see this evolving breed of Indian men, who take up so much pain to part with body hair. No wonder looking ‘chikna’ is THE IN thing.



Abhi-to-main-jawan-hoon type:



This is the late middle-aged lot who must have resembled Jitender or Dev Anand in their youth but age has taken a toll on them now. Dying their grey hair is the only resort for them to look younger again. The feeling of regaining their youth is evident from the smile with which they leave the saloon. Fortunately, I’ll take some more years before I can relate to this kind of a self-admiring smile.



The divine old types:



This lot is the ever smiling old gentlemen with little hair left on their head to avail the services of the saloon. But I believe this is one of the important activities in their daily life by which they can kill some time. Also, for some of them it’s quality time away from their commanding daughters-in-law. They are always smiling, talking to the barbers and fellow customers and giving wise advices to the kids.



The sweet kid type:



The kids that turn up in the saloon always get a special attention because of their sweet antics. They keep telling the barbers how painful it is to bend their heads during the hair cut. The toughest thing for the barbers is to come up with stories to keep the kids occupied while they do their job. On the other hand, there is an opposite kind, who comes up with requests to the barbers to give them a La-Shahrukh-Khan-Cut because some Deepika has joined their class recently.



The-occasional-aunties Type:



The aunties who sneak into the men’s parlor on the pretext of getting their kids a hair cut, have a gala time staring at the handsome-men-in-the-pipeline and occasionally flirting with them. The men too on the other hand show equal enthusiasm to befriend their kids, needless to say why. But one thing I have noticed that the rate of accidents in the saloon go up with the presence of this breed.



Jaldi karo types:



There is one breed which is always on the run and whose life is governed by the ticker of the clock. If given a chance these people will get a shaving done on one side of their face today and the rest tomorrow, of course, if they get time.



I also come into this category but for a completely different set or reasons. Being in saloon makes me really uncomfortable and I want to get things done as early as possible. It is always uncomfortable to find another man’s face right across yours and that too so close. But since I have trusted them with the sharpest tool against my throat, I have no choice but to trust them on other occasions too, even if they are dangerously close to me. It really irritates me when they lower their voice and whisper in the ear “Sir, facial kar doo?” I wonder what stops them from asking the same question in normal voice. There is something uncanny about this whole hairy business which makes my hair go straight in irritation.



Anyway…I am done with my hair cut and it’s another 6 months till I will get the feeling of déjà vu or my surroundings will force me to experience the same glimpses again.