A Preoccupied Me

My wife's repeated attempts to delve into my mind only frustrated her and one thing she could conclude was that she was the last thing on my mind. It was not only my wife but thousands others, including my neighbor's dog, who realized that I was preoccupied with something –something grave and unknown to the human world. It was my aloofness that invoked such an intense interest on an otherwise-tasteless-me from my surroundings. This extensive thought process jammed my nervous system the very moment I woke up in the morning. It continued to affect my normal humanly behavior through out the day. I realized it was high time I gave a vent to my noble thoughts before my wife kicked me out of the house, or before I lost my job, or before I found myself again on the roads of Hyderabad, extolling the extraordinary traffic situations which was the one and only one good thing left in this world that made me think. The traffic in Hyderabad had something extraordinary in it which inspired me to write about it again and again.

When it comes to the traffic in Hyderabad I love to think in the Jerome.K. Jerome way-"Traffic in Hyderabad fascinates me; I can stand and watch it for hours". One day on the roads of Hyderabad can make you so rich in knowledge that even the top B-schools will fail to impart. There is so much to learn from every little thing that happens on the roads of Hyderabad. Like freedom of speech, Hyderabad gives you the freedom of driving. You can continue to talk on the cell phone when you are driving. You can be lost on the eyes of your girlfriend sitting next to you while you are driving. You can even take a quick nap in case you could not sleep the previous night. It is the duty of hundred others on the road to adjust them and make way for you. You are free; free to make your own rules on the road of Hyderabad. If you are stopped by the traffic police, just report it to the media. Next day stories of traffic police brutality on the innocent riders will be published on the front page of newspapers.

The traffic in Hyderabad challenges your driving skills and takes the best out of you. It teaches you how to plan, how to take risk and come out as a winner. People show extraordinary skills on the road the way they control their vehicle. You can expect any vehicle to come and hit you from any directions. All you have to do is to keep your eyes open and move them like radar to detect any incoming object. It's simple. I have read an article about the cabbies of New York City which states that the average intelligence of the cabbies in New York is very high as they have to constantly calculate the shortest possible road between the complex grids. I am damn sure the author has no idea about the traffic situations in Hyderabad. If the same survey is conducted here, Hyderabadis will come out as winners.

The traffic in Hyderabad teaches you to be socially responsible. You'll find ghostly nocturnal riders, who run at full speed with the headlights off. It's only a full-fledged campaign to promote "Save Energy". I wonder if people switch off the lights at home when they go out, but they definitely take the initiative to promote such noble causes like "Save Energy" while on roads. There’s a me-first-attitude that exists among the drivers. And, be assured, it is not to let you down but for your safety only. As everyone knows there is danger in every step, people make sacrifices by taking one step ahead of everyone and letting others know about the impending dangers ahead of them. People park their cars in the middle of the road just to make sure others slow down and relax a bit. Size does matter in Hyderabad. Public transport buses make sure you respect their presence on the road. They are the biggest contributors in slowing down the traffic and ensuring public safety.

Even though the elephants rule, the foxes (the autos) make their presence felt in unique way. Autos are the ideal way of transportation when time is a factor. These small vehicles are specially designed to jump signals, jump dividers and use customized roads to reach the destination in the quickest possible time. These are equipped with latest technology to fly out of the traffic jams with a sudden twist and make way for themselves. Hyderabad would not be Hyderabad without these tiny flying machines.

Traffic in Hyderabad teaches you innovation. When I first came to Hyderabad I realized that 'Overtaking' is a crime on the roads and no one encourages overtaking. Every single vehicle on the road makes sure it does not give space to other vehicle to overtake it. So people in Hyderabad came up with a new innovation-'Undertaking'. When you prevent vehicles to overtake you from the right, vehicles undertake you from the left. When dividers are placed to control traffic movements, people remove them the very next day to make customized road for themselves. People have invented ways to take a right turn on the intersection where it is strictly prohibited. Instead of going left or straight, riders join the traffic coming from the left to take a right turn as the green color blinks. Some of them even stop on the middle of the intersection and use their persuasion skills to convince the traffic police to allow them to take a right turn. Innovation is a part of life on the roads of Hyderabad.

The best lesson is, of course, taught by the traffic police. They are the real mentors and highly skilled in their field. Their one and only one motto is "Spoon-Feeding Kills; Stop Spoon-Feeding". Instead of guiding the drivers to find their way out, they leave it to the drivers to learn how to come out of a mess. The best lesson is learnt when it's learnt by yourself. But of course they keep a close eye on you from a nearby beetle shop. Even if they take a step backward and promote self learning, they become very active at the end of the month by participating in the cat and mouse game with the rogue riders and by levying fine on them. Of course, the fine part includes two sections-an official fine and an unofficial fine.

This is my humble attempt to let you know what all you can learn from the roads of Hyderabad. It's an ocean of knowledge and it's not possible for me to teach you everything. If you want to learn, you have got to spend more time on the roads till one day you get washed away through an open manhole. Wow!! Open Manhole!! I guess I have got something interesting to think about apart from the traffic. Hhhmmmm...Open Manhole!!! Let’s start from the definition of ‘Manhole’!!

And the story continues...